The Pain of Leaving TLS

THE PAIN OF LEAVING TLS

(For more than 40 years I had to live with the thought that I had made the wrong decision in life. I had quit school while in Lower Six to pursue a career with the Malaysian Army, the Malaysian Rangers in particular. It had been a painful decision and even worse was leaving Tanjong Lobang School (TLS). It had been my home for five years. Many ex-TLS I think, shared my sentiments and feeling.)

I was ungrateful

To have left abruptly – a fool.

Seemingly without a thought and consideration.

Only God knows the pain and the yearn.

After five long years,

After having interwoven the threads of friendship dearest,

After having embraced all as brothers and sisters,

And accepted TLS as a home and a stepping stone.

My heart was torn into shreds.

My mind a mass of thorny beds.

My feelings were battered.

Reality won and decision honoured.

My tender long-house life was a struggle for survival.

My father combed the jungle,

Squeezed his rubber trees and ancestral land.

Herculean effort to keep us alive and made amend.

I was most fortunate elder brother took a city job.

Took me along to ease father’s rot.

Six years on I found Tanjong Lobang School,

Where I grew up and came out of my spool.

Five short years later, the Army found me.

It was love at first sight – absolutely.

For fanned by myths and legend of heroism

I took and accepted it like duck to water – infatuation?

Blinded, I couldn’t see beyond the horizon.

I couldn’t visualise what lay beyond the mountain.

I didn’t have enough depth in my thinking.

Vivid and clear for me to see through things.

True, there were some pangs of regret.

That it was a hasty decision I made.

Successes though I had earned.

However, deep within me, I wished I could return.

I wanted to gaze at the crimson sun set

Over the horizon of the South China Sea.

I wanted to walk and swim along the jagged coastline.

I wanted to be in the work party keeping the School pristine.

I missed the morning run.

I missed the meager breakfast, dinner and lunch.

Which, by today’s standard, would have us half-starve.

To us then, they were nice and just enough.

I missed the days when we had to walk to Miri town

To attend National, State or District events abound.

To participate in inter-school and community activity.

To remind us, we were a part of the Society.

I missed the days when we had to look for jobs.

To find that elusive Money and the good it brought.

To buy necessities and a taste of Gemuk’s niceties.

To us then, our need was negligible and hardly no worries.

More than forty years had gone by.

These feelings still held me in awe.

What were there in TLS

That held me in ransom no less?